just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
