do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
