My Higher Power is John Stamos
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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