I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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