yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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