Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
