maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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