OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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