Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
