I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize