You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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