Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
