I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
