If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
wanna go halves on a baby?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
