hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
