Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
