Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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