So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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