My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
