dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
