You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
