my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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