I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Non-Jews are for practice
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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