i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
