the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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