I want to make a zoo with you.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize