so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
