last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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