I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
