apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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