She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
