Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think I just sharted jello shots
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
