carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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