idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
