we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
