If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
