If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
