one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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