ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize