your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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