If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
