Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
