i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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