Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
