You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
