my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize