She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
