i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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