Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You are the jesus of drinking
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
