I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
