I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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