Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
