textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
