I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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