This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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