I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
