remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
