We named our party play list daddy issues
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
