you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'd cum for enchiladas.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
