I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
