1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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