My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
