I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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