I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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