I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
