He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
