She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
