No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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