Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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