I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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