I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize