i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
