take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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