I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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