dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
