The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
there is puke in my bra ... again
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