i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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