We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
