She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
