u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
