I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
