I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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