So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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