Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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