Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
