lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
