Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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