i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
