I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
