It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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