Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
