Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You smell like stripper and shame
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
