He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize