I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
