so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize