I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I intend to get homeless drunk
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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