And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
