just tell him i said nine months
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
